>Thin Air and teasing other writers

>First off, I've done a podcast of the first chapter of Jolted. It's available on iTunes or here. Or, watch the podcast on Youtube.[youtube http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=YuitDBWIujw&hl=en&fs=1&rel=0&color1=0xe1600f&color2=0xfebd01]

I'm just back from Thin Air: Winnipeg International Writers Festival . Had a lovely time in Winnipeg, the presentations all went well and I got to hang out with several authors, including Susin Nielsen, author of Word Nerd. Her book is guaranteed to make you smarter or no money back. She didn't say that herself, it's just a conclusion I jumped to. My favorite question from the readings was girl in grade 4 who asked, "can anybody be an author?" I immediately said, "No, all of you give up now." I only said that because they all seemed so smart and creative and I didn't want the extra competition about fifteen years from now (okay, maybe I said, "yes, anyone can be an author, you just have to work at it.").

My presentation at Balmoral Hall, which was an all-girls school, went well. I was treated like royalty and had a good audience... except (insert dramatic music here) there was a practice lockdown. That's the second school in a row that has had a practice lockdown while I was in the building. I keep telling people it's my writing that's creepy, I'm not creepy. Really!

Speaking of teasing people, well this was the ad Harpercollins used for the Eden Mills Festival:

and this is the ad from the Winnipeg Festival.
You may notice that someone is missing. Did you do something to upset your publisher, Susan (I just assume she reads my blog)? Is this a sign of something? Oh, I know, I know that she'd cloud the issue with facts like...I wasn't at the festival, Art, that's why I don't appear in the ad. Hmmmph. I've never much liked facts. : )

Art

>Voices in My Head!

>Whew, finally got another draft of The Hunchback done. There's nothing like hitting the send button and suddenly feeling like a 20000 pound weight has been lifted from my shoulders. Then the questions begin...should I have changed that? Should I have changed this? Did I really do a rewrite or was it more of a spellcheck? Alas, my editors will have to figure that out.

Okay, finally, after over a year I've done another Writing for YA podcast. It's available on iTunes or my website. And it's all about finding your voice. And it was inspired by an e-mailed question from Cyndi: "I have a problem with my voice when I write. Any tips? What could I do to work out the kinks?" I rambled on until I felt like the question was answered.

Do you have anything you'd like me to babble about? I'll gladly babble about anything.

Am listening to Metallica's Death Magnetic right now. It sounds like the old Metallica is back. They put a real hurt on my ears (in a good way).
And I'm packing for my 3 day trip to perform at Thin Air: Winnipeg International Writers Festival . Looking forward to it---I have to present at Balmoral School and do two stage presentations with Susin Nielsen, author of Word Nerd. Now that's a cool name for a book. Wish I'd thought of it...

Art

>What Would Jerry Do?

>Geez, huh? More inspiration from JOLTED.It's a book with pigs, truffles, lightning, kilts, gopher stew, and historical characters. Woo hoo!

Yes, get out the pedestals everyone! It’s time we started celebrating our Canadian historical heroes. We just don’t do that enough. When’s the last time you raised a glass and said, “Good ol’ John A. Macdonald, what a go getter”? Or “That Nellie McClung, she never gave up the fight!”? Well, we need more heroes and heroines like that.

The man I want to bring to your attention today is good ol’ Jerry Potts (1840ish-1896).

I liked him so much that I named the survival school in Jolted after him: Jerry Potts Academy of Higher Learning and Survival. Jerry comes to us from a long-ago time called the Wild West. Jerry’s dad was Andrew Potts, a Scot who worked for the American Fur Company, and his mom was Crooked Back, a Blackfoot (Andrew actually had four wives and seven children, so he was a bit of an overachiever).

Alas, Jerry’s father was shot by a Piegan Indian who thought he was shooting someone else (don’t you hate when that happens? You just hope your victim lives long enough for you to apologize). So Jerry had a series of stepfathers, learned to read and write, became a crack shot, and returned to his Blackfoot tribe to learn to track and hunt. He picked up several Native languages and began making money as a horse trader and a tracker. Oh, and he avenged his father’s death, his mother’s death and his stepbrother’s death. Uh, he apparently shot forty several a small number of other people, too, but I’ll gloss over that since I’m trying to dress him up for the history books (and maybe a Disney movie).

Remember the Northwest Mounted Police trekking across western Canada to shoo away the whiskey traders and bring law and order to the land? Well, it was Jerry Potts who guided them and helped explain the native customs to the Mounties. If he hadn’t done that, the NWMP might still be wandering around with their Red River carts and draught oxen and big mustaches. See, he saved western civilization (well, western Canadian civilization). He spent 22 years in the employ of the Red Coats. Oh, and he drank and smoked. A lot. On occasion. He was tough. Believe me. Well, not as tough as throat cancer, which got him in 1896. Anyway, I still think his face should be on the loonie or on t-shirts. Perhaps with the logo, “What would Jerry do?”

Art

>Truffles!

>Yet more inspiration from JOLTED

Today’s topic is truffles. I learned all about them while researching my book JOLTED . You see, Newton, my main character, sees himself as an amazing chef and wants to get the highest marks in Culinary Arts and Survival 9, a class that he’s taking. So he adds truffles to his gopher quiche.* Yes, truffles! Aren’t they great? Even the name just flows off the tongue like honey (did you know that honey is bee vomit? I digress).

Wait, are you one of those poor unschooled people who thinks that truffles are chocolates?

Give your head a shake. Anything rattling? Really, let me set the record straight: truffles are a fungus that grows under the drip lines of hazel and oak trees. They give off a heavenly aroma, and they taste like the food of the gods. The Babylonians, the Greeks, the Egyptians all knew the glory of truffles. What I’m saying is that they are the ultimate civilized food. And they’re clever, too. Truffles emit a steroid similar to the pheromone that male pigs produce. Female “truffle hunting” pigs hunt truffles so well because they believe that something romantic is going to happen when they start digging in the dirt. Are you laughing at the poor pigs? Shame on you. Humans have some rather bizarre odour fetishes, too. Someone has to be buying that Paris Hilton perfume.

Anyway, once found and dug up, the truffles are sold in secretive markets in France and Italy (and some other countries, but really why buy the rest when you can get the best?). Why are truffles so expensive? Just blame World Wars One and Two. Those little conflicts chewed up most of the land where truffles grew, and also chewed up the peasants who tended the truffles -- which makes truffles quite rare, and worth as much as four hundred dollars a pound. Worth every penny, says I. And now that you have this knowledge, you can tease other people who think truffles are chocolates. Be sure to practice your sneer beforehand. Oh, and have fun.

*Yes, there is a gopher (Richardson’s ground squirrel) quiche in my new book. I believe it may be a literary first.

Art

>Advice and a Burning Question

>Gosh, here's some inspiring advice:
http://content.screencast.com/users/slade67/folders/Jing/media/b608d156-fe6a-4623-b6c4-6cc78333557a/bootstrap.swf

And here's the answer to that burning question:

As a famous celebrity, I get asked a number of the same questions all the time. “Which pet shop cut your hair?” is a common one. Or here’s another favourite: “What do you mean it’s my turn to pay for lunch, Art, I thought we were going dutch?” And third on my all time list is “Why do you always put Moose Jaw in your books?”

Well, I have 13 books and so far Moose Jaw is only mentioned in 5 of them. That’s not even 50% (see, I can do math). Moose Jaw does appear in Jolted -- in fact, most of the book is set in that lovely city. I do have a particular affinity for Moose Jaw. After all, I was born there (I actually grew up on a ranch in the Cypress Hills, and now live in Saskatoon, but that’s another story). So, I feel I owe the city something because it helped bring me into the world.

Another reason I use Moose Jaw for a setting is the name is funny -- right? I mean, Toronto, Calgary, Montreal -- not particularly funny names. Readers see Moose Jaw and they start to giggle. Everyone knows, generally, where Moose Jaw is. It’s somewhere “over there” or “up there” or “near the border.” And Moose Jaw has achieved a legendary status in the North American consciousness. I once was in New York and a librarian said, “I’m so pleased to meet you,” and I said, “Oh, really, why?” I must admit, I was posing with my best authorial face on, waiting for a wonderful compliment about my amazing prose or my scintillating plotting, but her next words were, “I’ve never met anyone from Moose Jaw before.” I was stunned. I shook her hand, of course (not bothering to explain that I was only born there and never actually lived in the city).

But that’s exactly when I realized the secret of using Moose Jaw in novels. The city itself never could make up its mind about where the name comes from. One story says the name is from a pioneer who used a moose’s jaw to fix his wagon wheel. Neat, eh? Or else it’s from the Cree word moosegaw: “warm breezes.” Apparently the breezes are warm there. Or it’s from the Native American word moosoochapiskanissippi which we all know means, “the river shaped like the jaw of a moose.” It doesn’t really matter where the name came from -- it’s magic.

Art

>This Really BUGS me!

>More Jolted humour:

I know if you’re reading these words that you’re someone who’s always ahead of the curve. You’re a trendsetter. You were green/cool/retro before everyone else jumped on the bandwagon. You’ve got nice hair, too. Now is your chance to get even further ahead of the curve and lose weight and save the environment. “How?” you ask. Start eating bugs.

Oh, I know some of you have stopped reading now, and that’s too bad, because you don’t have the stuff/moxy/gusto to really set a trend. Bugs are the new 100-mile diet, or even 10-meter diet. They multiply like… well, like insects, and they have a very tiny environmental footprint. Heck, their feet (tarsi, technically) are just a bunch of little pads, hairs, or hooks and they hardly disturb a speck of dust. And they’re good for you. Take moth larvae (aka caterpillars): they are stuffed full of protein, fat, vitamins and minerals. Mmmmmmmm. Yum. Fry them up and mix in gravy and curds and you’ve got caterpillar poutine.

Okay, does this gross you out? Well, buck up! Survival is a state of mind that sloughs off all that civilized junk you’ve been taught. Besides, you’re already eating some rather gross food. Do you like honey? Well, that’s just bee vomit. Yes, it’s all been regurgitated. It’s time you took control of your own backyard—don’t let a wasp bite you; you bite it first. Raw yellow jacket larvae have a sweet, nutty flavour (doesn’t that just make you salivate?). Just be careful when you gather them. So, go out there and dig up those ant larvae—you’ll be saving the world one thorax at a time.

You’re still reading this, aren’t you? I knew you were a green/cool/retro trendsetter. Your hair is still looking good. Here’s your reward: if you’re searching for something to take to your next pot luck, this is a recipe from the main character in my book Jolted:

Newton Starker’s Chocolate Cricket Recipe

Collect two dozen crickets. Wash them in a covered colander. Shake them dry. Place them in the freezer for 15 minutes to kill them (but don’t let them freeze). Remove the head, hind legs, and wing cases (if you don’t want them to get stuck in your teeth). Bake at 250 degrees until they are deliciously crunchy. Dip the crickets in melted semisweet chocolate (you’ll need several squares) and let cool on wax paper.

Enjoy!

Art