1000 Words a Day or Else!

Why do I have a picture of me digging a hole in my backyard (it's for the fish pond, you DEXTER fans, it's for the fish pond)? Well, sometimes when I'm writing I feel like I'm stuck in a rut that's inside a deep hole. Or that I'm treading water without waterwings. I've found that all the other "demands" of being a writer (clever Facebook updates, amazingly insightful tweets, googling my own name) do tend to distract from my main goal of writing. So I wanted to change that. Or...to redirect my distraction.

Recently, I was re-reading Stephen King's On Writing and he mentioned that he works every day except for Christmas and his birthday. What a lazy bum! Just think about how much more he'd get done if he worked those extra days. His goal is to write 2000 words a day (thankfully, he didn't say whether or not they had to be clever, perfect words). 2000 words! I can do that easily. Just as soon as I get around to it. I have to put the finishing touches on a tweet. Oh, and check my Amazon rankings and...oh, wait...there I go again.

It suddenly occurred to me that I could do half the work of Stephen King in the same amount of time. So I set up a little goal for myself and made up my own rules. I must write 1000 words of new work every day.  Yes, new is the important part. No matter what rewriting is needed, no matter whether I have a reading at a school, a deadline or a dentist appointment, the very first thing I must do is write 1000 new words. No tweets. No checking the hockey score on my virtual hockey team (Authored Destruction). Those words must be written. All of my rewriting, redrafting, pretending to plot, are all on hold until the new words are done. The reason I want to write new words is that I do believe those brand new, sparkly words and sentences that come flowing out of your mind in that first draft are as close to the subconscious as we get as writers. And I think it's important to be in touch with your subconscious first thing in the morning (right after waking). There is a caveat to the rule. I can stockpile words. So if I'm going on a holiday, I will actually take a holiday, as long as I've written my quota for the time that I'm away. But I'm gonna work on my birthday and Christmas (take that Mr. King).

Heck, I made a splendid chart to keep track of it all. And to motivate myself. As you can see I'm ten days into my schedule and I've written 11,000 new words. I'm 1000 words ahead! And I even took last Sunday off.

I have found that the buzz I get from creating that new storyline carries on to my rewriting that I do 2nd thing in the morning. It's like jumpstarting my mind. It crackles. It sparks. Then the creative engine roars into verbtacular life.

So if you see me tweeting early in the morning you have full writes...err...rights to say, "What's up, Dude? Didja get your 1000 new words done yet?" And, I encourage you to do 1000 new a day words, too. Just think about how much brighter the world will be...

At the end of the year I hope to have 365, 000 new words to play with, to bat around, juggle and rewrite and turn into something other people might want to read. Until then I'll keep on plugging (or treadmilldesking) away...


Art

Why Didn't I Win a Box of Slade Books?

"Why didn't I win a box of priceless Slade books?"

I know. I know. It's a question millions of people are asking themselves right now. Along with questions like "Is Brad Pitt in love with me?" "Should I floss" and "Did dinosaurs walk the earth at the same time as humans?" (the answers in order are: Maybe--is your name Angelina?; Yes, and brush, please; No...unless you're living in a movie).

Last month, in my clever newsletter, I had a contest that said: "Win a bunch o' books. To win just reply to this email with a creative answer to this question: "A+Y= X""

Of course, you have to subscribe to the newsletter to win! Maybe that's why you didn't win. Rectify that by clicking the amazing link below. The newsletter comes out 4 times a year and there's always a prize. Plus, your IQ will go up. Free IQ!

http://eepurl.com/kEDdb

Here are a few of the entries:

"Arthur + YA = Xcellent"
--Alan

"Art + Youth = Xcited teens."
--Janet

And the winner, by both volume and creativity, was:

" A + Y = X. Hmmm! Reeks of algebraic equation. Shudder! Please Art, you are appealing to one whose mathematical career ended with an ignominious exam result of 19%. And it's Saturday! I could wait, I suppose. Wait until my brain wakes up. The problem is my mathematical brain never woke up. So I'm doomed, utterly doomed. The storeroom stash will never be mine.

Deep breath, courage, Clo. Must carpe the diem, no matter what the cost in the mathematical or even grammatical failure department. Hmmmm and other sounds indicating heavy thinking and the occasional slurp of lemon and ginger tea.

A must equal Art (please note the upper case A. This Art is also very creative but is not, in and of himself, an artistic endeavour, at least I don't think he is, and never in a grammatically incorrect sentence, of that I am certain).

But I digress. If A equals Art, Y must equal You. Is it therefore possible that X equals the massive storeroom stash? Alright! I've cracked it. Art + You = storeroom stash or should I say Storeroom Stash, considering the importance of said stash? Wait up, here's a dilemma. If Y equals You, then You isn't Me. That means Me, Myself and I will not win the Storeroom Stash because collectively we don't equal You.

Hmmm (= more thinking and slurping) And eventually a lightbulb, not a Kodak, a lightbulb moment occurs.
You must equal someone you gift the stash er Stash to. If that is indeed the case then I have the solution.
My #2 son turns 17 on 27th April. The very day that Art of the uppercase A announces his winner.
It just so happens that #2 son is almost as much of an Art (o.t.u.A.) fan as his poor demented mother. It also happens that his p.d.m. is off to an auction today and will probably blow his birthday present money on a Victorian commode or an overstuffed chaise longue. Even if his p.d.m. is somewhat abstemious in her auctioneerial dealings, a Stockroom Stash of Slade would make the most stupendous birthday present.

So to conclude yes, finally. Arthur, wake up, I'm concluding. Slurp tea in the hopes of attaining clarity.
Clearing of throat.

I conclude that Art + #2 son = Storeroom Stash of Slade. There! Sound the trumpets. Alarums and excursions throughout.

PS Was there a word limit on this contest?"
--Clo

Whoa! Congrats to Clo who received a box of signed books, a few comics (which I wrote, not random comics), and audiobooks.

You could be a winner, too! Oh gosh, you're already a winner. You could be more of a winner...

Look at all the books waiting to live in someone else's house...

Art

Odd Questions that Authors Get (hilarious answers free): III

AH, more questions that authors get...with perfectly rational answers. Q: Is it okay if I come to your house and watch you write? A: Is it okay if I give the FBI your address? By the way I've moved to Antarctica. Turn left when you see the marching penguins and you'll be there. Don't worry about dressing warm.

Q: Are you sensitive to bad reviews? A: No. No. No. No. No. NO! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!

A: Oh, you're a writer? What do you do as a job? Q: Writing is easy and doesn't take much time and is really more of a hobby, so I spend the rest of my hours as a serial killer. What's your address again?

Q: What is the most fun about being a writer? A: I get to wear pajamas all day. A: My only boss is my muse. A: Playing jokes on people by naming characters after them. Like my friend Cheryl who complained that I never named any characters after her. So I invented Cheryl the Sasquatch for one of my books (true story).

Q: What is the worst thing about being a writer? A: I wear pajamas all day. Even to readings. A: My only boss is my muse but she's seven feet tall and smokes cigars and demands 20,000 words a week and bacon. How much bacon is there in the world? A: A real Sasquatch showed up one day. Her name was Cheryl. She was not happy that I turned her into a comical character. She was very good at MMSA (Mixed Martial Sasquatch Arts). I was not.

Comically yours, Art

The New iPad...and a writer's life...

Last Friday, being a dutiful Mac cultist, I drank my iCool aid and headed down to my local Mac store to buy the latest version of the iPad, creatively titled The new iPad. I already owned a first generation iPad (which I blogged about here) and had found it absolutely essential to my life as a writer. I waited for the 3rd generation because I was looking forward to the rumoured retina screen (a fancy way of saying a very high-def screen) and the camera (which was lacking from the 1st generation iPad). I bought the 32GB white wi-fi, because I thought that would be enough storage space for me and I don't need a G4 connection. Wireless is most everywhere (and I do have portable Mifi wireless when needed).

The Screen

Let's start with the screen. It's amazing. There, we're done with the screen. Okay, I'll leave it to others to explain exactly how many pixels it takes to make your eyeballs vibrate with explosive colour. But side by side it's very clear how much more "high def" this screen is. The icons for the apps have no pixelation. Does that make them easier to tap on? Nah, but it somehow makes them see more real. Netflix looks clearer. Movies sparkle. Youtube is ... well, still full of freaky videos. But they're even clearer and grosser now.

Reading Apps:

I'm an ebook-a-holic (along with a paper-book-aholic and an audiobook-a-holic). My apps on my iPad for reading (and buying books) are as follows: Kindle app, Kobo app, iBooks, Nook, Nook for kids, Play Books, Stanza. These apps are pretty simple so I didn't notice a big difference in the speed in which they open. There is a difference in the fonts and how clear they are now to read. And I am especially impressed at how much more colourful the picture books that I have on my iPad look. Nothing replaces a "real" picture book, but the images on the iPad do leap off the page (Especially in Splat the Cat). I do have a few kids books apps that were designed for the iPod and I never noticed a big difference in clarity when they were on my old iPad, but now that I have The new Ipad, the blurred edges of the images becomes very obvious. So reading is even more of a pleasure on The new Ipad as long as what you're reading has been optimized for the iPad (though if I'm reading an ebook I often choose my Kindle because it's smaller and I'm not tempted to zoom around the internet). The new iPad is heavy enough that I usually have to prop it against my legs when I read.

Facetime and Skype

This machine is brilliant for using both these communication programs. The speaker on the back is able to put out more volume than the 1st generation iPad so it's easy to hear whoever you're Facetiming with and the mic seems to pick up fine. One could easily use this to Skype with a classroom just sitting in your reading chair or out in your back yard (assuming there wasn't much background noise). And, last night, my wife's bookclub was discussing Meg Wolitzer's latest novel and she was kind enough to do a Skype visit with the book club. It worked perfectly and in the hour and a half talk it burned 18% of the battery power. I set up a battery-powered speaker so that she could be heard clearly. I was tempted to set her up on a chair and put a coat around her, but decided that would be silly.

Social Networking/Web browsing

There isn't much difference between the iPads. I still use Hootsuite for most of my social "outreach": twitter and Facebook, that is. Things are faster, of course. The biggest difference is that Google+ is more accessible on this machine. Again surfing around the net does appear to be a smoother experience. I don't know if it's the extra speed of the machine or that there are more and more websites optimized for the iPad now.

Keynote

I still use Keynote for my school presentation. This is by far the best aspect of the iPad for me. I can carry all of my presentations with me, and all I need extra is the VGA connector. No power cords, at all.  I connect my iPad to the projector and plug in the sound and the iPad does the rest. I'm very impressed at how it runs everything I can throw at it: book trailers, mp3s, and SFX all embedded in my slides. I use my iPod Touch to run the presentation from the front of the classroom. And I can do a whole day of school visits without having to charge up. I don't miss the days when I had to lug my laptop and my projector and, sometimes, even my screen. There isn't a big change in how Keynote runs on the new iPad. Which is good, because it was running fine before.

Pages

If I'm doing any writing on my iPad (and I do a little, usually with my wireless keyboard) I use Pages (which is my main word processor on my iMac, although I do all my first drafts in Scrivener). It's perfectly functional on the iPad, though obviously the screen is smaller. Apple's iCloud is effective, automatically updating documents between different iPods and iPads, but if I make a change on my computer it doesn't appear on my iPad. I have to upload it to icloud.com (simple drag and drop) and the new file appears on my iPad. I do hope someday there is full synchronization between all mac devices, of course. But this is workable.

PDF's

I teach an online class through the New York Times Knowledge Network. One of the things I was curious about was whether or not I'd be able to mark papers while I was on the road with my iPad. It turns out I can. I download the document, convert it to a PDF using Pages, then use an app called iAnnotate PDF to do all my fancy mark ups. It has  handy highlighting and note-making features. Plus you can circle words in red just using your finger. Such fun! Then I can email it to my student and hope they don't weep when they see all the marks.

So that's my first impressions of The new iPad, so far...

Art

The Power of Twitter (91,000 people may be looking)

Last month I uploaded a post about "A Year of Selling Ebooks" (read it here, it'll change your life!). It was my 3rd most popular post. As per my usual modus operandi, I posted on Facebook, Twitter, and Google+.  Here is the tweet that I came up with for twitter:

"Well, I've been selling ebooks for a year. Here are my stupendous results! ow.ly/95zkC #kindle #amwriting #kobo RT plz"

I tweeted variations on this message over three days adding in different hashtags so that it would be visible to various groups. I also used an "owly" link so I could track how many people clicked on that specific link and what countries they were from. I do keep track of stats just so I can get a general impression of what sort of impact my posts are having. It's impossible to know how many people saw this tweet but I did keep track of how many people retweeted it. It was retweeted 46 times by other twitter people (you have my eternal gratitude). And it reached:

91,000 people!

Well, that's how many people were following the various people who were kind enough to retweet my tweets. As we all know only a small percentage of them would see the tweet and an even smaller percentage would click on the link. The results that I could measure were that I had around 3000 hits on my Blogspot blog. I also sold 20 or so books on Amazon in the space of those few days (it was only selling 5 or so in the same time period before I did my blitz). And I gained about a hundred twitter followers.

Was it worthwhile? Absolutely. It got my name out there a bit further. It's proof to me that what people are looking for is information, not so much "sales" (my tweets with a more direct "buy my book" message get very few hits). And having new followers is always invaluable.

Art

P.S. I bet you're dying to know what my 2nd most popular post was. Well it was: How to Write Novels and Lose Weight.

P.P.S And my most famous post is... Treadmill Desk: How to Make Millions and Write More Weird what you become popular for, eh?

Funny Answers to Odd Authorly Questions II

These are inspired by a few questions I've been asked...actually some of them are real...

Q: I have this great idea. If you write it, I'll split the money with you, 50/50. What do you say? Answer #1: No. Answer #2: No. And don't come to my parties anymore. Answer #3: I'll think about it. What? You're a brain surgeon? Well, is it okay if I perform half a brain surgery on you before we begin? It shouldn't take long.

Q: What's your address? Do you have any children? What are there names? A: You're scaring me. And I think you meant "their names."

Q: Will an agent steal all of my money? A: No. In fact an agent will make you more money. But you have to get the right agent. There's an easy formula for figuring out whether an agent is the right one. E=MC2 x .15% x worldwidesales x your talent quotient / the chance of a Hollywood movie - your personality quotient + your agent's personality quotient x luck. Easy to figure out, eh? Oh, but make sure you don't get the wrong agent. A small percentage of agents will take 15% of your life force and use it to feed their gerbils. Good luck!

Q: How long does it take to write a book? A: 60,000 minutes to start with. That's if you dedicate a minute to each word in the average book. You also have to dedicate a minute to each sentence. That's another 8333.33 minutes. There's another 65,000 minutes for rewriting each word. Add 2500 minutes for computer malfunctions. Then another 4700 minutes for fretting about characters you're going to kill. And 2700 minutes killing them. Only 250 minutes for crying about them, though. I mean, really they were getting on your nerves. Add in the minute that you hover over your email with the MSS attached before you press send. That's 143484.33 minutes. Or about 59.785 work weeks. Maybe add in about 2467 hours of depression if your book is rejected. Then start all over again.

Q: Will I make a million dollars if I publish an ebook by myself? A: Yes. You only have to sell 1 a day for the next 487,804 days. If you sell two a day you'll make the money in half the time.

Art